I got to see my BABY!!

It's a Girl!!

Today at 4 in the afternoon, Jason, Jadon, and I went to meet the birthmom. She is so sweet! She made us feel so welcomed. She was up and about and looking amazing for just delivery a baby yesterday.

She is a beautiful young woman from Thailand. Stands about 5 foot tall. Bubbly personality. And a warm heart. She told us about the delivery- which is a Crazy story. (I will share at a later date). Then she introduced us to the nurses on the floor as the Adoptive Parents. (a Big positive step). Then we headed for the NICU. Because of the delivery, the baby is in the NICU. She is so small at 5 pounds 4 ounces. Big chubby cheeks. Beautiful dark black hair (and ALOT of it). So ready for the bows already. I got to hold her. It was a surreal moment. I want to be respectful to the birthmom also. But at the same time I wanted to kiss and snuggle that gorgeous girl. But I froze. No tears. Just peace. It was as if I was in a dream.

Jason and Jadon watched from the window since children are not allowed in the NICU. I stayed in there for about an hour and a half. Holding. Feeding. Burping. My beautiful daughter. I am glad I didn't have to change a diaper :) I have never held a baby that small before. Nor have I ever been a mother to a newborn. But I am sure it will take me no time at all to get the hang of it.

Tomorrow the social worker will come and the birthmom will be able to go home. She plans on signing the papers. The tension in me is melting away. I am exhausted. Tomorrow is a big day. The baby will stay in the hospital until Monday. So we should have access to her but we will confirm that tomorrow. She is technically not in our custody (a McCabe) until we finalize the adoption in about 6 months. However, we will be able to take her with us from the hospital.

We are overjoyed. Singing praises to our King. God is good. (the baby and Jadon look like biological siblings). It is so cool :)

Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement. And I can't wait to introduce her.

Happy New Years!!

Maybe a visit today

Unfortunately we were unable to go to the hospital yesterday. It is the birthmom decision if she wants visitors. So we went to the hotel. Got to see my cousin and JJ got to play with his cousin Jackson. They were so cute. So excited to see each other.

We were able to get some sleep. Not much though. Prayed a lot last night.

Now today, I talked with birthmom via text and we will try to visit this afternoon. We need to take care of details in regards to our stay in Florida for a month. Then we will head over to Cocoa beach area.

Continue to pray for all involved.

BABY is BORN!

We got the text this morning at 7:49 from the lawyer that the BABY was BORN!!

Birthmom went into labor at 5 this morning. Don't have the full story but it was quick. Baby was 5 pounds 4 ounces 17 inches long. A little peanut.

On Christmas, I got the best present. A text from the birthmom. Since then, we have been chatting via text. So we made plans to leave for Florida yesterday. We drove most of the way down- stopped in Charleston for the night. Birthmom was having trouble getting to the doctors, so we were unsure exactly when baby was due. January 1 was the estimate date but not confirmed. So we took a leap of faith and left yesterday.

Then we got the news this morning. We are on cloud 9. We have a six hour drive. But we are on the way to the hospital to meet the birthmom!!! She wants to meet the three of us. Whether or not we get to see the baby we are unsure.

So what is next. The clock has started. In 48 hours the birthmom will or will not sign the papers. If she does, the baby comes with us. We will have to stay in Florida for about a month. Which we found a condo on the beach through family and these people are giving us a very reduced rate for the month. Praise the Lord.

I will keep posting. We will reveal the sex and name once Baby is with us. Pray for us- it is an exciting time but not over yet. Pray for the birthmom- I can't even imagine how she is feeling. How hard, how many mixed emotions! Pray for a sweet time between her and I today.

Thank you Jesus- for a healthy baby has been born today!

The Million Dollar Question....

What is going on? That is the million dollar question these days.

Three weeks ago, we decided to move forward with this adoption. I even had the blessing of talking to the birthmom several times either via phone or text. All parties were excited.

Two weeks ago was the last time I heard from the Birthmom or attorney. I believe she had a doctor's appointment yesterday.

Waiting is Hard. Waiting with NO Information is even harder. I have no idea if she went to the appointment. No idea what the doctor said. Or how the baby is doing. Or how the birthmom is doing. With lack of information, your mind tends to fill in the blanks (even if it is not truth). So my mind has been in overdrive.

Did she change her mind?

Can I go through another failed adoption?

Will I get any information? Any lifeline?

What is going on?

But that is adoption. I must respect the fact that the birthmom is going through a very difficult time. Even if her intentions are the best, her follow through may look different. And I have to be ok with that. I must respect the fact that the lawyer is busy. I am not his only case. There may be more pressing matters than my curiosity.

So I wait. So I pray. I have my moments. My doubt. My fear. And then I continue to turn to the Cross. God is sufficient. His grace is enough.

Christ went through the suffering of the cross to adopt me (and you). I can go through a small suffering for this baby. For the Joy of the Lord is my strength.

Continue to pray for us. Birthmom is 38 weeks pregnant (we think). So she can go into labor anytime. As we draw closer to the due date- fears intensifies, doubt intensifies. Pray that we remain with the peace of Christ. That we will be obedient in this journey. That we will hear some kind of word and soon.

Merry Christmas!

Here We Go AGAiN...

Here we go Again!!

It has been a crazy couple of weeks- so many emotions. Today, with excitement, we get to share the news that we have been MATCHED!! A birthmom picked us. And the baby is due in a month. Talk about a roller coater ride.

So what happened?

We knew that we wanted to keep pursuing adoption. So even before we left Florida (in regards to the twins)- we told the agency to keep us posted on situations that may arise. We also called our agency here in Ohio and told her the same thing. Adoption is full of unknowns- it could be years for us to be picked again or it could be weeks. For us, it was weeks.

About a week after we got home, Jadon out of the blue started to wrap his blanket in a ball and say this is my baby, my baby sister?? It was cute and heartbreaking at the same time. He still talks about his baby to this day. But baby sister?? Who knows where he got that one. I could understand if he said baby brother because that is what we kept telling him when waiting for the twins. After about a week, all of sudden we say a situation arise via Facebook.

We got the contract, looked things over, and submitted our profile. We got word the next day that the birthmom selected us as her first choice. That same day the situation was posted through our agency too. So we were happy to know that our agency deals with this lawyer. It gave us peace of mind.

We didn't know what to feel. My heart was still grieving the loss of the twins. So many questions were floating around in my head. So many fears. Can we do this again? What if the birthmom changes her mind again? What about the financial risk? etc. etc. etc. So we took a couple of days- spent many hours in prayer and talked with the lawyer. Finally, after talking with the birthmom, we made the decision to move forward!!

Yes!!! I got to have a wonderful, long conversation with the birthmom. What a blessing. I have to admit, I was scared and nervous to make the call. How do I start the conversation? What do I say? What do I ask? I couldn't even formulate all that I wanted to know. But after praying, I made the call and it was beautiful!!

At the beginning of our journey, back in June, I wrote a post about where we were going. When praying about which avenue to take with adoption (international verse domestic), I wrote: "My head kept saying: "domestic adoption is so much more money and we want to pursue an asian child" but my heart kept saying: "domestic adoption". So we began the process."

Guess what- this child to be born next month is Asian!!

So much to do again. Please hold us up in prayer, specifically for the rest of the journey, that the birthmom and I continue to have conversations, that the baby and birthmom remain healthy, and that God provides the remaining 8,000 needed for this adoption.

I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done.
Psalm 9:1

..Picking up the Pieces..

Picking up the pieces.. That's where we are.

Our adoption story shattered when we received the news of a failed adoption. What we thought it would look like was now in a million pieces. It hurt. It's hard. BUT when you put broken pieces together, it makes a beautiful Mosaic: an art piece. So we are picking up the pieces and hopeful in the beautiful picture it will make. Our adoption story continues. And someday we will see that Mosaic. The beautiful broken pieces arranged in a way that is breath-taking, more beautiful than we could have dreamed.

Many people have asked, "how are you doing?" I must be honest- very well. Very hopeful. My Spirit is full of Joy. How can that be? How can I be grieving and experiencing Joy at the same time. I can't quite explain it. But this is what I know:

Galatians 6:2 (NIV)- Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
So many people have been praying for us, encouraging us- simply put- carrying our burdens. So many people have grieved for us and with us. It's actually a very beautiful picture of the body of Christ. I didn't walk this journey alone. Others came along side me, like you. You held some of my grief so I didn't have to. Isn't that what life is about? I am so blessed by this situation.

The other thing I know:

John 15:5 .. apart from Christ you can do nothing.    
It is by faith that I walk. I know me. I know that if it was about my way- I would crawl into a hole and stay there. I would be overcome with hurt and depression. I would be angry. I would cry out that this is not fair. I would be focused on self pity. BUT I am not just Kim anymore. I have a living God that wants to be with me. Emmanuel- God with us. It is through Him that I can move forward. That I can pray for that mother and pray for her well being and her love for those twins. Through Him, I can be at peace and not have to ask "why".  That I can accept the fact that we were faithful in going down that journey and that the journey has not ended. Through Him, I can have Joy in the midst of grief. Without Him, I would be nothing.

So what's next: we lift up our foot and take a step. Continue to walk in faith. Saying "Lord, I will go where you want me to go." It's not about me. I don't live in Kim's story and God is a character. Rather it is about God's story and I get to be apart of that!! It's about a Holy and Perfect God who loves me unconditionally, despite my ugliness, my sin, my disobedience.

Grace. Mercy. Love. God's story.

We have touched base with agencies and will start over again. Waiting for situations to arise. Submitting our profile. Waiting to be chosen. Waiting..

This journey has taught me so much about the struggles of the birthmom. And even though I may face waiting and pain and loss- emotionally, physically, and financially- it is worth it. God has a heart for adoption. He calls us His children. He adopted us. And it cost him a huge sacrifice. With Him, I can do the same.

Micah 6:8 (NLT) to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

Pain in Adoption...

Adoption is surrounded by pain and suffering, but also joy and redemption. For us, pain started many years ago when having biological children was not an option for us. It took years for me to deal with that pain but I praise God that my womb is closed. Because of that trial I grew to have a heart for adoption. At first adoption was about fulfilling my need for a family but it has grown into a love for orphans, to put their needs above my own.

On the flip side, there is pain for the birthmothers. Maybe they are in poverty. Maybe they were raped. Maybe they are in a bad relationship. I don't know- but I do know they are in crisis which involves pain. That is why they turn to the option of adoption. There is also pain when the birth mom signs the paper. There is a grieving process. There is also pain for the adoptive family when the process fails. There is a grieving process. We sometimes forget about the pain and the suffering that is involved with adoption. One side will ultimately suffer deep pain. Today, it is us.

With saddened hearts, we share the news of a failed adoption. We are grieving the loss of our twins. (Jase and Jamison). It is hard for people who have not been touched by adoption to fully understand. But from the day this process started, the twins had two mothers. They were my children. We knew the risks involved (all adoptions, domestic or international, have the risk of failing). But our hearts for orphans overshadows the risks. And today we face the reality of the twins not coming home with us.

You may ask what happened? Without going into to much detail, the birthmom changed her mind and decided to parent to avoid going to prison. It's complicated. And she comes from a different world than me. I can't understand her decisions and I can't understand where she is coming from.

My heart is for the best interest of the children. Many people, like us, the agency, and birthmom's family, agree the best interest of the children is adoption. But it ultimately the birthmom decides. I pray for her and those babies. She has no money, no job, no house, has stopped parenting her older two children but yet chooses to parent these twins. Pray for the older children. I can't imagine what they are thinking and feeling. Here their mom has not been there for them and suddenly now she is going to be there for these new babies. I pray for their hearts. I pray for the safety and security of these babies. I pray that the birthmom changes her lifestyle and makes wiser decisions that will benefit her children.

Prayers were answered. The twins were born around 38 1/2 weeks, healthy, and over 7 pounds each. Two beautiful babies have made their way into this world.

As for us, we are hurting but still in good spirits. We could question and ask God why? But that is a slippery slope. Instead, we hold onto the promises that our God is faithful. He makes all things good for the glory of His name. We were faithful in following Him. We believe that within Him we will find peace and rest. He already has provided that for us. Our faith will not be shaken. Music touches my soul and these are lyrics that I am holding on to: that I am finding rest: that I am finding hope.

And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my HEART is TORN
I will PRAISE You in this storm

Hold us in your prayers as we pick up the pieces and move forward. Watch the movie STUCK (it's on Netflix) and it will give you a glimpse of why we can't give up. We will continue down the path of adoption- starting back at square on again.

27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  James 1:27

With thank you for all your support and love. I will continue to post in the future as things change. This is not the end.

{Overcomer...}

Wow... These weeks have been hard. The situation changed last monday. We were hoping it was going to allow us more access to the birthmom. But instead, it has become more restrictive. We know and understand the situation at hand, but for the protection of the birthmom and the twins, we are choosing to keep some details private.

Our agency has not been in contact with the birthmom in over a week and a half. We have no idea if the twins are still in the womb, if she has delivered, or if she even wants to continue with the adoption plan. We just sit and wait. We also have no rights to these children yet. They are not McCabe's yet. So whatever the birthmom is going through, I must respect her privacy, her decisions. I pray daily that God touches her heart. That through this process she sees Christ. That she is filled with an overwhelming sense of peace and love- one she may not understand but one that is undeniably Christ.

For us, it is hard. This season of just waiting and being ready if needed, hurts.. As we were driving in the car on Saturday, I tried to visualize what I am feeling. I feel like I am in a battle. That for weeks I have been hit and beaten, laying on the ground, covering my head as blows/punches keep coming. Part of me just wanted to stay there and become numb to the beating. To commit my Spirit to defeat. To give up and just go home and forget this ever happened. But then a song came on the radio: Overcomer by Mandisa. It spoke to my heart. Here are some of the lyrics:

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds You
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer....

Everyone's been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Oh, you're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget
Hang on to His promises
He wants you to know...


I immediately visualized me standing up. Still getting punched. But with a renewed sense of strength. A strength that no matter what happens I am an overcomer in Christ. He is my strength. He is my hope. For the first time in many weeks, my soul was at peace. Pure peace. I soaked in that moment.

I will fight the spiritual battle over these twins. I pray that they will be loved, cared for, and will grow up to know the love of Christ. To be blessed by the Father's love. (whether that is through us or through the birthmom, or through someone else).

Continue to pray for all involved. It has meant the world to us. It's what is keeping us going. Pray for Jadon... He is such a trooper. He is tired of traveling, being out of routine, of waiting for his brothers. It breaks my heart to see him this way. There have been days when he said "can we just go home" The stress is getting to us all. But the end is near.

37 and counting...

What a journey this has been. So many emotions. So much going through my mind.. We finally got an update today. Our situation yields very little information. Waiting with no information is harder than I thought. My mind wanders in so many directions like: is this a scam? what if the babies are in distress? What is she had the babies and the state took them? Lies, Lies, Lies... but it is hard for me not to go down that road. I questioned if I did the right thing and let people come along this journey with us. People comments play a role in my doubts. But then on the flip side, so many people have held me in prayer and that is the only thing getting me through this journey. So I made the right decision. Continue to pray- pray for strength for me so that I can continue to fight these negative thoughts.

The wait has gotten slightly easier because Jason came down on Saturday. He is blessed by a company that is allowing him to work remotely until the babies are born. Almost 3 weeks apart from each other was too much to bear for our family.

Now onto baby news- Birthmom is 37 weeks pregnant. That is crazy. Only 15% of all twins make it to 38 weeks, which she will be on Sunday. Birthmom is healthy! Praise the Lord. Babies are looking good too. Praise the Lord. Both babies are breech so a scheduled c-section will be in the future. When that will be is yet to be determined. Our situation should change tomorrow (can't go in to details). We still will only get little nuggets of information. But now there may be a chance I can meet her. I should know on Monday if that is a possibility.

The whole reason I came down so early was that our situation was possibly gonna change on Oct.1 and I would have had a chance to meet her. Obviously it didn't happen. But that was a risk I was willing to take. Now the situation may change tomorrow. We are praying we can meet her. And this time Jason would be here too.

Pray for strength for all involved. Birthmom is HUGE (from what we hear). It must be very uncomfortable for her. She needs strength for the rest of this journey, delivery, and afterwards. Pray for strength for the babies to endure the c-section and to be born healthy with no NICU. Pray for strength for us as we wait.

Maybe next post will be about babies being born :)

{Footprints in the Sand..}

This morning, as I was on the beach, I saw many footprints in the sand. (the benefit of being in Florida in October) As I saw them, I was quickly reminded of how Jesus is with us always. The image of two sets of footprints walking side by side. Then when there is one set of prints, it is Jesus carrying us not leaving us.

Throughout the last two weeks, there have been times when I was at the bottom, just ready to burst into tears, to have doubt flood my mind, to be filled with lies of the enemy. And in those moments, someone would randomly text, email, or facebook me that they were praying for me. It was through them, that Jesus was carrying me. Their prayers brought me back to relying on Christ and being filled with renewed strength. It didn't just happen once, but many, many times. It is beautiful how the body of Christ works.

Currently, we are still waiting. As I said in previous posts, we are not in a typical adoption situation. We do not have the luxury of hearing from the birthmom. It has been awhile since we have had an update. We have to wait for the birthmom to contact the agency. So I know she has reached 36 weeks!!! That is huge when carrying twins. The likelihood of them needing to be in the NICU goes dramatically down now. I know the birthmom has not seen a doctor in a long time. So I don't know how close she is to delivering. But I trust my God and I pray that they will be born healthy. I pray for the birthmom as she is getting closer to the end of her pregnancy. From what I have read, carrying twins is very uncomfortable at this point in the pregnancy. So I pray for strength for her. I pray that she is filled with Christ's love and that she has an overwhelming sense of peace within her soul. I pray that God fills me with strength as the waiting is hard, the not knowing. That I would just rest in his peace also.

Hopefully my next post will be one that introduces the twins. All is God's timing.

{Pins and Needles}

Waiting is HARD.

I know the end is drawing near and my mind is going crazy. When a woman is pregnant, she is able to control what she is eating, her medical care, how the baby is moving, and can better be prepared with the arrival of the baby. Unfortunately, I am in a non-typical adoption situation. I have no idea about medical care. Last I heard about the babies was at 32 weeks (they were healthy)- but now we are at 35 weeks. I have no idea what the birth mom is eating, is she resting, is she taking care of herself, is she still smoking, etc. So many questions are going through my mind and most of them can't be answered. Then I have the adoption portion- will she sign the papers, what is the process, what's next, etc. Right now there is nothing to do but wait. Insurance, court papers, hospital bills, naming the children, etc are all up in the air. So many things won't be answered until it is happening. I am a planner- so this process is hard.

I am in Florida to help with the wait- the sunshine, the beach, the Hot temperatures. It is helping but my insides are going crazy. No sleep, anxious stomach, and traveling. What a combination. Hopefully at the end of this all will be two beautiful healthy baby boys. I must keep trusting in the Lord. Seeking Him continually throughout the day. And take one hour at a time.

Continue to pray for us, the babies, and the birth mom.

... Road Trip...

On the road again...

Jadon, my mom, and I started the journey down to Florida on Monday. Over a 1000 miles. Yuck. But the bright side is that I get to see God's beautiful creation.

On Monday, we set out for North Carolina. My sister lives in Asheville so we decided to drive down and spend the night. Auntie Vicki and Kai got to see Jadon and love on him. As always, road trips are memorable. Some funny things happened which will be great memories. It took us a long time to get there. I don't know who had to stop more- my mom or Jadon? (Hint: Jadon is an amazing traveler!!) But we made it and had a wonderful night in Asheville. Beautiful Mountains.

On Tuesday, we headed out for the long part of the trip. 10 hours of drive time down to Jason's brother who lives north of Tampa. We made it in 11 1/2 hours. I could not believe how well Jadon did. We were planning on stopping at a hotel as an option but since JJ did so well- we made it all the way to Florida. He was so excited to see his cousins- and they were all excited to see us!! I unpacked all the baby stuff - that is where we will stay when the babies come. The visit was short but we will soon be back there once the twins are here.

On Wednesday, we headed down to Fort Myers. Only a 3 hour drive. But for me, this was the hardest day. I just didn't want to drive anymore. My foot just hurt. Poor Jadon has been sick and still he was the best traveler among the three of us. We are staying in Fort Myers with my family- cousins and aunt/uncle. Having a little relax time before the chaos begins. Jadon is playing with his cousin who is 5 months older. Oh my word are they cute together. They got to have a sleepover last night- they talked, giggled, and had a great time when they were suppose to be sleeping. I remember sleepovers like that as a child and they were great memories.

Today is a day of doing NOTHING. So nice.

Now we wait. Wait to hear any news of the twins. We are guessing which day the babies are gonna be born.

What is your guess???

{Packing!!! Packing!!!}

Time is getting close. Birthmom is over 33 weeks pregnant. The boys are healthy and over 4 pounds each. 36 weeks is considered full term for twins. So most likely within 2 1/2 weeks I will be holding my boys!! I get teary eyed every time I think about that.

Things change day by day in the adoption world. But as of right now I am leaving for Florida on MONDAY!! What??? Am I ready- ahhhh no.

I will drive down to Florida with Jadon (and my mom). Jason will stay home and work until the babies are born. I have some family in Florida so I will bounce around until the babies are born.

We most likely will have to stay in Florida 1-3 weeks after the babies are born before we can bring them home. So I may be in Florida for a month. How do you pack for a month?? Plus have JJ clothes?? Plus pack up all the things you need for the newborn babies??

My head is spinning. But full of excitement. Full of anxiety. Cherishing sleep right now.

Most pregnant woman pack a hospital bag before their baby is born. My "hospital" bag is packed and it contains my clothes, JJ clothes, and the twins clothes. One big suitcase!! I will be doing a lot of laundry in Florida. I decided to pack one weeks worth of clothes for each of us, plus a little extra. Then keep washing and wearing the same clothes over and over. At least it is hot down there so I packed shorts and t-shirts. They don't take up as much room.

Each day that goes by is a blessing. We want the twins to stay in the womb until full term. Also as of October 1, the situation may change. I may be able to see and meet the birthmom. And possibly be there for the birth. Please continue to pray for us:
1. That the twins are born healthy and do not need the NICU
2. Pray that the situation changes and that I can meet the Birthmom
3. Pray that the situation will change and that I can be at the birth.
4. Pray for the birthmom as she prepares and goes through labor and then has the painful and agonizing reality of signing the papers. How hard that will be.

Can't wait to share pictures. Can't wait to introduce the new McCabe twins!!

{Puzzle Fundraiser}

We are getting close!!!

Birthmom is almost 32 weeks pregnant. Each baby is about 4 pounds right now. We are expecting to be in Florida within the month. Yay!! So exciting and yet so overwhelming.

With adoption, there are many costs involved. For good reason too. We deal with professionals from agency workers to counselors to attorneys and they all deserve a professional compensation rate. Therefore, adoption is expensive. But I serve an amazing God. He has been paving the way for this adoption to happen, including the financial aspect.

With that, would you like to be apart of our adoption journey? We are doing a puzzle fundraiser to help with the remaining cost. We choose this option so that the twins can have a forever keepsake of all the people who loved on them and helped them join our family. It will be a priceless treasure for them.

How it works- you can buy pieces to the puzzle. Then your name (or message) will be written on the back. The puzzle will be framed between 2 pieces of glass and hung in the boys room. It will be a visual reminder of how much they are loved.

Cost- $10 for 2 pieces (since one piece is too small to write on). You can buy as many as you would like.

See flyer below for details!

Will you help bring the twins home?

{Preparing...Preparing...}

So what's going on with the twins?? They are doing well in the womb. The birth mom is 30 weeks pregnant. We did find out that there is only 1 sack with both babies in it, which means they are Identical twins!!! Everyday we just keep singing songs of Praise to our God- we sit in awe of all that is happening.

Twins are usually born between 36 and 38 weeks. That means- we need to start getting ready!! My gut feeling is that the twins will be born in early October. We are preparing, preparing..

We are overwhelmed with the generosity of so many people!! We are getting tons of clothes. Lots of bottles. We have matching cribs and bouncers. We will have a swing, car seats, bassinets, carriers, toys, etc. I am already starting to buy diapers. I will need a lot of them :) The pack n play is up. Mostly to help prepare Jadon for the twins.

We are moving Owaldi (our foreign exchange student) down into the basement. Moving Jadon to Owaldi's old room, and the twins will be in Jadon's old room. Cleaning out the basement is fun- yeah no. We will also have to do our roof and several other house projects. We don't want to worry about anything once the twins are born. (We won't have any time.)

Jadon is starting to grasp the concept of having two baby brothers. He likes to pretend that he is pushing his baby in the swing. He dances with the baby. He even accidentally sat on the baby. Let's hope that doesn't happen in real life :)

We continually pray for the birth mom and the twins daily. We are in contact with the birth mom. We are praying that an opportunity arises that we can meet her before the babies are born.

The next couple of weeks are going to be very busy at the McCabe house. Continue to keep us in your prayers. God is putting all the pieces together- we are praying for healing for all involved!

Still have no names for the twins- what do you suggest?

{Jumping for JOY}

Adoption is lot like a race- specifically hurdles. I remember when I used to run Track in high school. I didn't run the hurdles but always found them fascinating. Run for a couple of strides, prepare to jump, jump over the hurdle, and then do it again and again...

That is what we are going through now. Two weeks ago we came across our first major obstacle. A hurdle that seemed so tall. One that could take us out of the race. A hurdle that could end this adoption. For two weeks we were preparing to jump over it, not knowing if we would make it over or crash and burn.

Well we are over that hurdle. Birthmom is safely out of hiding and is handling the situation with courage and strength. We are overjoyed that she is safe. We know she is getting feed, she has a place to sleep, and that she is safe. Praise God.

Our agency did have a chance to finally talk with her on Thursday, specifically asking if she wants to continue with the adoption plan. And she said YES!! We are Jumping for Joy!!

So now we have jumped over the hurdle successfully and are taking some strides. There are many more hurdles in front of us. But for right now we are resting in the stride. We are preparing to move forward and we are anticipating more hurdles to come. I am just hoping this is the 100 meter hurdle race and not the 200 meters. HAHA.

Please continue to keep us, the birthmom, and the twins in your prayers. We have reached 28 weeks gestation. Praying the twins make it to full term of 37 weeks :)

{Long Week}

It has only been a week since we collided with a bump in the road. Boy, does it seem like forever. My mind is constantly filled with thoughts regarding this adoption. Not a minute goes by without it flooding my mind. That's why this week has seemed so long.

No new updates. We are just sitting, waiting, and resting in the faithfulness of our God!

My thoughts are consumed mostly with praying for courage and strength for the birth mother. That she will find peace as she deals with some difficult things. I pray she takes a step of faith and comes out of hiding. I pray that people surround her with love and encouragement as she must face her past. The consequences are unescapable. And there needs to be consequences. We all need consequences. But I pray she knows that God is with her and with him all things are possible.

I constantly have a battle in my own mind. The enemy tries to fill me with fear. The enemy tries to fill me with doubt. Is it coincident that hours after I finish writing the first chapter of my book (which deals with fear) this situation arises? I think not. It says in the bible that the battle is not here, it is against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Not that I like to think about spiritual warfare, but I do believe it exists. Just because I can't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. We are not only fighting for the physical life of these twins and everyone involved but more so the spiritual life of all involved.

The cool thing is that this past week I have been putting into practice all the advice and tips I am writing about in my book. What a blessing. Even in the midst of fear (losing the twins), I sing with praise on my lips. I draw closer to my God. I seek refuge in Him. I am resting in the joy of this hard time.

Continue to pray with me. Pray mostly for the birth mom as mentioned above. Pray also for the health of the twins. That God holds them in the womb and helps to grow their precious bodies. Pray that the stress of everything going on does not begin pre-term labor. Pray for the health, rest, and nutrition of the birth mom. Pray for us that we continue to rest in God's loving arms.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5 NIV)

First Bump in the Road

Anyone you have ever been on the adoption journey knows there are always bumps in the road.

Today we just hit our first, and I am sure not our last. Anything can happen until the day of finalization. So do I not talk about the twins in fear of them not becoming ours? Do I not attach myself to them and give them names in fear that something will happen to prevent this adoption? Do I not share my journey because sometimes adoptions don't happen?

My answer: I will lean on The Lord. I will pray for my twins. I will attach to them. I will share my journey. No matter what the outcome is. I trust in my God. I may not always understand his ways or desires his ways but his ways are always the Best for me.

So I sit here in prayer. I can't go into details about what is going on but we were asked "how comfortable are you with moving forward with this birthmom?" All I can do is pray and believe in the truths that God has placed on me. First and foremost, there is nothing of this world that can ever be as rewarding, as joyful, as amazing as being called a daughter of the King. No husband, no child, no money can ever fill me the way the Lord touches my heart. I will stand on that truth.

I will stand on the truth that the Lord will never leave me nor forsake me. He goes before me always. If God is for me, who can be against.

I pray that this bump in the road gets resolved and I pray for  it to be quickly. I pray for the birthmom that the Lord fills her with strength and courage. I pray that this doesn't derail the adoption and that the twins will be in our arms in 3 months. I pray that Jason and I stand united as one in prayer, asking for peace, patience, and love. I pray for the health of these beautiful baby boys that God is knitting together in the womb. I pray that they will be warriors for our God.

Will you stand with me in prayer?

{God story: Part 1}

It is so crazy cool to watch how God moves. With Jadon's adoption story, it was quite evident how God orchestrated everything. I will re-tell that story at a later time.

I titled this post- part 1 since we have only begun to see how the pieces are all fitting together. So here is what has happened so far:

Almost 2 years ago, we brought Jadon home. What an amazing time that was and continues to be. Shortly after he came home, I started going to a friend's house, where many women gathered. We talked and mostly we prayed together. It was such a sweet time. One morning, we were deep in prayer and out of nowhere I had an overwhelming feeling in my heart that I was going to have twin boys. I boldly stated this to the women and we declared and asked God for my twin boys. I didn't know when or where or how, all I knew was for certain that I had twin boys coming. That night I told Jason and I am sure in his mind he was like "how about just one more".

Then in January we both began praying about when and where and how to begin our next adoption journey. We waited a year before we felt God giving us the green light. It was hard but we both knew that we must be obedient and wait on the Lord. (despite our burning desire to expand our family right then). Now looking back, when we finally began the process- it was close to the time the twins were created!!

Jason was very clear that he only wanted one more child. I convinced him that in the homestudy we should put 1-2 children ages 0-2 years old. That we didn't want to close any doors. Jason reluctantly agreed and stressed that we will only be trying for one child. God had other plans!! At this point I wasn't even thinking about the twins we prayed for over a year ago.

As I stated in other posts, we had lots of hangups with our homestudy- too many little things that I won't go into details with. But I was discouraged. However, in my wrestling and questioning to God, he laid upon my heart to write a book. I was laying down in prayer one night and my husband was praying over me and this idea came to me. My book will be called: Adoption, seeking God in the midst. I said ok Lord I will write but you need to help me, guide me- and it has been so cool to see all the words flowing out of me as I write. (My goal is to have it written before the twins come).

Within days of this prayer time, our homestudy finally got finished. It was like I needed to go through that dark time, hear God's voice, and begin writing.

Our homestudy got completed on a Friday. I read through it and noticed a couple of small details that needed to be changed so Monday was the day (July 8) that we got the revised completed version. Over that weekend though, Jason started mentioning- I think we are going to have twins!!! What! From the man who was so sure we were only adopting one child. God was speaking to his heart. Jason reminded me that weekend about how I prayed for the twins and he believed our children will be twins!!

We had decided to carefully consider and pray over each situation as they come in. So on monday our homestudy was finished and wednesday was the first situation that came out. It read that a CC/AA baby was due in December in Florida. I instantly knew that we were going to put our profile in for this one. But Jason had to be on board too. I sent him the situation and asked him to pray. In the meantime, I contacted our agency asking a few more questions. One question was what part of Florida. She replied Clearwater. This makes a big difference for us because we have to stay in Florida for a couple of weeks after the baby is born. I have family in different parts of Florida so it would be amazing to be able to stay at their house instead of a hotel (what a money saver that would be too). When I heard clearwater, I was positive this was my child. Then I found out it wasn't one child, it was twins. My heart skipped a beat!! (twins do not come about very often- both agencies told us that)

I quickly called Jason and told him the information I got. He said with affirmation- send our profile. Jason at that moment stated that these twins are our children. We waited on pins and needles for 5 days. Knowing in our hearts that we were going to get picked. That God was directing all of this. So when we got the call on that Monday- it was no surprise but just affirmation that God's got this! We were just in awe of God!

1. Answer to prayer almost 2 years ago- praying for twins
2. Us starting the adoption journey around the time the twins were being created (after waiting for a year to begin)
3. Jason stating a few days before the situation came available that he believes we have twins coming (after only wanting one more child)
4. When the situation came out, both us feeling that this was our child even before we knew they were twins.
5. The birthmom choosing us over stacks of other profiles!!
6. And out of all the places in big Florida, the twins will be born about 30 miles south of where Jason's brothers family is moving to.  (Our sister in law just got a job in Florida this past May- out of all the places she applied for- God chose Spring Hill.) We will have a place to stay.

Coincident? I don't believe so at all. I believe God has been orchestrating this all and will continue to do so. More to come in part 2 as we travel the rest of this journey!

What do you believe?

McCabes New Babes not Babe!

Did you figure it out by the title?

McCabe's will be having Babies in November. TWIN BOYS!!

On Monday July 15 at 12:40 pm, I received the phone call that we have been anticipating since we began this journey of adoption. A birthmom selected us!! We have twin boys and they are due November 10th. I was in shock with tears streaming down my face. Beyond excited, filled with so much joy.

I quickly called Jason at work and gave him the news. Our family is going from three to FIVE! He cried on the spot. I put Jadon down for his nap at 1, then fell to my knees: crying, praising God for his blessing, for his faithfulness.

We talked with the agency in Florida (where the birthmom is from). The agency stated that this mom had many profiles to choose from and when she came into the office on Monday morning, our profile was on top. She could recite most of our "birthmom letter". She fell in love with our family and she is very excited for us to be the adoptive parents!!

Jason and I had fun telling our family that night. We tried to think of creative ways to tell people. And each person we told in a different way. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday- we got to spread the word to people in our family and our friends- and now You!

We have been on a roller coaster ride these last few days. So much to think about. So many questions. Currently, we are just reading through some legal paperwork to get things started. You may have questions. Feel free to email me at kimamccabe@yahoo.com

In coming days, I will be posting more about the process and where we are. Right now, please pray that the twins remain healthy, that the birthmom is filled with strength, and that we have clarity to handle all the legal details.

Stay tuned for more posts: so much to share. Come along with us as we go down this crazy ride :)

{Paper Ready}

Can I get a HOORAY!!

After some hang ups, we are finally paper ready. Basically our homestudy is complete. As I stated in the last post, this should have happened back in April. But with adoption, nothing ever goes smoothly or on a consistent timeline. So now I am "Paper Ready" and "Paper Pregnant"

For two months I have been on pins and needles, waiting daily to hear that everything has been done. If you have gone through the adoption process, you can understand the stress, the emotions of "waiting". Where a day can seem like an eternity. I know in the end, I will look back upon this and it will all have seemed to go by fast. But for now, I am in it and it is hard. Some days I have no hope: no hope that this adoption will ever happen. But I must remain joyful and hopeful. In God's timing, our child will unite with us.

So tonight I am going to exhale and enjoy the completion of this step in the process. I am not going to think about all that happened over the last few months and I am not going to think about the long obstacles that still lie ahead. I am just breathing in the here and now.

{ When: Where: How } Adoption Process

Many people have asked "where are you in the adoption process" or "when do you get your child". Validate questions just hard to answer. Adoption is full of ups and downs, and a lot of unknowns. The most famous word that describes an adoption is WAIT. Everything is out of our control. We have to wait on other to do their jobs, we wait on paperwork to work its way through the system, we wait for a birthmom to choose us, and we wait for the best phone call.

Our adoption journey this time is a little bit different than with Jadon. So let me start at the beginning. In January of 2012, Jason and I made the decision to begin the adoption process again. Immediately we are flooded with questions: where to adopt from? what age are we looking at? how much money can we afford? etc. So we began to pray: asking God for His guidance and wisdom. Every time we prayed about it, both Jason and I felt "Wait, it is not time yet." So for a year, we prayerfully sought God's guidance. We learned what it means to Wait on the Lord. We were ready, selfishly I wanted a baby now. But we waited, we were obedient. In January of 2013, we both felt during our prayer time that it was time to proceed. We thought for sure we would be going international again, but God had something different in mind. We both had peace with domestic adoption. My head kept saying: "domestic adoption is so much more money and we want to pursue an asian child" but my heart kept saying: "domestic adoption". So we began the process.

First, we need to find an agency. I thought our last homestudy was good until 2013 but I misread it: it was only good until 2012 so we needed to do our homestudy again. After searching on the internet and praying a lot, we were guided to A Little Bit of Heaven Adoption Agency. We sent them a check and began our homestudy.

What is a homestudy? Basically it is a report of everything about us. A social worker comes to our home twice to interview us. All members of the family must be present. So Owaldi, our foreign exchange student, was interviewed also. She asks us questions like: why are you adopting? what was your childhood like? how do you plan to discipline your child? She takes information on family history,  how old everyone is in our extended family and what they do for a living, how we were raised, what are our religious beliefs, what schools did we attend, how many surgeries have we had, etc. You name it- it was asked. We also have to provide a packet full of information: medical clearance, financial forms, life insurance policies, CPR certification, fire inspections, safety audit, background checks, child abuse registry checks, fingerprints, layout of the house, auto and medical insurance, etc. We are an open book. When we went through this with Jadon, I had problems with the homestudy. It felt like such an invasion of privacy. I would think "well any teenager can go off and have a child with no questions asked but here I am under the microscope having to prove that I am financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally able to raise a child." But now it doesn't bother, I know it is for the best interest of the child so I graciously give them all the information they need.

We turned in our paperwork back in March. Usually the homestudy takes a couple of weeks for the social worker to write it up and file it with the state of Ohio. We have been running into roadblocks. As of yesterday, our homestudy has not been officially filed. But hopefully soon. So we just sit and wait!

The next step in the process is sending out our profile. [profile is just a visual representation of who we are, where we live, and a letter to the birthmom] My cousin Taylor did an awesome job of composing our profile book. When our agency hears of a possible adoption situation, we can see the circumstances and decide if we would like our profile to be sent to the birthmom/agency. The birthmoms generally get around 10 profile books (but that can differ depending on the agency) and it is her decision on who she would like to raise her child. If we are picked, then we proceed with paperwork. Once the child is born, in the state of Ohio, the birthmom has 72 hours to sign the release. Then the child remains in the custody of the state for six months. However, the child would be with us during that time. We would have many visits from the social worker over that period of time. If everything is good, then the adoption would finalize.

So currently, we are waiting for our homestudy to be filed. In the meantime, we have sent out our profile twice but were not picked. So we wait.

Domestic adoption is different than international. Mostly the birthmom chooses the family. So it could take a week or several years: we don't know when we will be picked. We are seeking a child of any race.

So to answer my questions:
When? We don't know- could be next week, could be 5 years from now.
Where? We don't know- could be from any of the 50 states (depending on which state will detemine how much the adoption will cost: somewhere between 15,000-40,000)
How? This one we do know- by the Grace of God!

Keep us in your prayers as we sit and wait. Wait for answers, wait for directions, wait for our child. Pray that we will remain hopeful, that God will fill us with patience and erase doubts, and that our child will quickly be in our arms.

{Pregnancy Hormones}

No. No. I am not pregnant. But I am Expecting!! There is a lot of information out there regarding pregnant women and adoptive women sharing similar experiences. Did you know that an adoptive mom can actually breastfeed her baby!! There are women who have never been pregnant and yet can breastfeed their child. Wow! That caught my attention. Now it is a little out of my comfort zone, so I will not be breastfeeding my baby. But who knew that can happen.

Even though pregnancy and adoption are different journeys, they share a lot of similarities. The first one is obvious, there is a baby at the end of the journey. But there are others. Just like pregnant women, I suffer from crazy mood swings. I can cry at the drop of a hat. My emotions are all over the place. I can be biting Jason's head off one minute, then joyfully loving on my family the next- be crying one minute and dancing with joy the next. Now I am not saying that the adoption journey is the same as being pregnant. There are women who have done both, and they say each are hard in their different ways.

Many pregnant women suffer from insomnia. I am in on that one. Many pregnant women have morning sickness. I am nauseous A LOT. Now driving force of the symptoms are different (mostly hormone changes for pregnancy and mostly stress related for adoption) but outcome for both stinks. You can't sleep and you can't enjoy food. Good thing for all us women, that it only lasts for a short time.

Many pregnant women will enter the "nesting" phase at the end of her pregnancy. I have heard stories of women cleaning the baseboards in their house with toothbrushes. As mothers, we want to welcome our babies into a spotless clean environment. That is no different for adoptive moms. I went through a mild nesting stage before Jadon and I have a feeling it will be more intense this time around. Mostly because with Jadon I was still waiting for the sky to fall, never really fully believing that I will have a child. Kept waiting for something bad to happen. That is common when you deal with infertility. So with this journey, I am already a mother; and yes bad things can happen, but I am not expecting it at every turn. I can focus more on welcoming the new baby into the McCabe household.

Now for me there is a positive to adoption over pregnancy- my tummy will stay flat (which I think pregnant women are amazingly beautiful) and I will not have the physical pain of labor. However, with pregnancy you pretty much know that in roughly nine months the baby comes and there is light at the end of the tunnel. With adoption, you have no idea. You have no control. I could be expecting for one month or 5 years. With that comes a lot of emotional turmoil and pain. There are many days I would prefer to have the physical pain of labor over the emotional pain of the adoption journey. (with pregnancy you can opt for drugs to help with the pain :) But beautifully both journeys end with a child and whether pregnant or adoption, people would agree that is was well worth it. And so do I.

So what do you think? Do you agree with me?

Welcome: My journey: {God's Glory}

Welcome to my Blog!

By the title, you now know that the McCabe's are on a journey... a journey of beauty, a journey of ups and downs, a journey of rescuing, a journey of heartache and pain, a journey of joy- the journey of ADOPTION.

This morning, I participated in a prayer walk- a walk to Intercede for Life. I volunteer at Akron Pregnancy Service, which ministers to women and men who are in a crisis pregnancy situation. Now 2 years ago, if you would have asked me if I would volunteer there: I would have said- NO WAY. I am a barren woman who craves to be pregnant and you want me to go counsel some women who "accidentally" got pregnant, or "don't want" to be pregnant, or "want to have an Abortion"! I can't even be in the same room as pregnant women without having gut wrenching pain in my heart. No way would I ever do that. WELL, never say never- God had different plans for me- through HIS strength, HIS courage I find myself volunteering at APS, having a loving heart for these women and men, and walking obediently with my God. Only God can bring that kind of healing, that kind of love, that kind of power!

So what changed in me: The journey of Adoption restored my heart. Through God's love for me, His redemption, His healing- my son Jadon entered my life. Through the process, I learned what it means to lean on God, to seek him daily, to have him change me. My faith has grown deeper, I desire to worship my God: He is my Number 1- above all else I am a child of the living God, a child of the KING! Because of what Christ did in my heart, I saw things differently. Jadon's birthmom was courageous, showed amazing selfless LOVE and chose LIFE for her child. God orchestrated the details and our paths crossed- my life will never be the same. Jadon is beyond words: he fills me with so much joy: and I humbly go before my GOD praising His Holy name for the miraculous blessing of Jadon. I pray for Jadon's birthmom often- what a sacrifice, what love, what courage. How she must think about Jadon, how she may question if she did the right thing. The pain in her heart. But through our pain, different but intense, we found healing. Beauty from ashes.

There was a ministry in Taiwan called Ray of Hope- they ministered to Jadon's birthmom, they were there as she walked through the process of choosing adoption. They held her hand, they comforted her, they shared with her the Gospel: that Jesus loves us 100% as we are, Jesus paid the price for our sins, and through Jesus we are forgiven of whatever sin. (I know I need that message daily) She could have chosen Abortion- it is very common in Taiwan. But she didn't, she chose LIFE. And that Life is a blessing to us. After that adoption journey, God called me to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. I still thought No Way can I do this. And that is a correct statement. No Way can I do this on my own power- it is only by dying to myself and living for Christ that I have HIS power to be in this ministry. And what a blessing it has been. I could talk forever about what God is teaching me and the joy that comes with being apart of this ministry. You can check them out at www.akronpregnancyservices.com OR www.apsatwork.com (describes the ministry).

So as we go down this journey of adoption again:  I can no longer counsel women at APS (but will eventually after the adoption happens). Also, I wanted to document the journey- God has a heart for adoption: May this journey bring glory to God. For it is through Him that we walk down this road- seeking his guidance and wisdom. What is God gonna do? Whatever it is, I will sing praises to Him. So follow along and see God's story unfold.

Psalm 34:1-3 NIV  I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.