Pain in Adoption...

Adoption is surrounded by pain and suffering, but also joy and redemption. For us, pain started many years ago when having biological children was not an option for us. It took years for me to deal with that pain but I praise God that my womb is closed. Because of that trial I grew to have a heart for adoption. At first adoption was about fulfilling my need for a family but it has grown into a love for orphans, to put their needs above my own.

On the flip side, there is pain for the birthmothers. Maybe they are in poverty. Maybe they were raped. Maybe they are in a bad relationship. I don't know- but I do know they are in crisis which involves pain. That is why they turn to the option of adoption. There is also pain when the birth mom signs the paper. There is a grieving process. There is also pain for the adoptive family when the process fails. There is a grieving process. We sometimes forget about the pain and the suffering that is involved with adoption. One side will ultimately suffer deep pain. Today, it is us.

With saddened hearts, we share the news of a failed adoption. We are grieving the loss of our twins. (Jase and Jamison). It is hard for people who have not been touched by adoption to fully understand. But from the day this process started, the twins had two mothers. They were my children. We knew the risks involved (all adoptions, domestic or international, have the risk of failing). But our hearts for orphans overshadows the risks. And today we face the reality of the twins not coming home with us.

You may ask what happened? Without going into to much detail, the birthmom changed her mind and decided to parent to avoid going to prison. It's complicated. And she comes from a different world than me. I can't understand her decisions and I can't understand where she is coming from.

My heart is for the best interest of the children. Many people, like us, the agency, and birthmom's family, agree the best interest of the children is adoption. But it ultimately the birthmom decides. I pray for her and those babies. She has no money, no job, no house, has stopped parenting her older two children but yet chooses to parent these twins. Pray for the older children. I can't imagine what they are thinking and feeling. Here their mom has not been there for them and suddenly now she is going to be there for these new babies. I pray for their hearts. I pray for the safety and security of these babies. I pray that the birthmom changes her lifestyle and makes wiser decisions that will benefit her children.

Prayers were answered. The twins were born around 38 1/2 weeks, healthy, and over 7 pounds each. Two beautiful babies have made their way into this world.

As for us, we are hurting but still in good spirits. We could question and ask God why? But that is a slippery slope. Instead, we hold onto the promises that our God is faithful. He makes all things good for the glory of His name. We were faithful in following Him. We believe that within Him we will find peace and rest. He already has provided that for us. Our faith will not be shaken. Music touches my soul and these are lyrics that I am holding on to: that I am finding rest: that I am finding hope.

And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my HEART is TORN
I will PRAISE You in this storm

Hold us in your prayers as we pick up the pieces and move forward. Watch the movie STUCK (it's on Netflix) and it will give you a glimpse of why we can't give up. We will continue down the path of adoption- starting back at square on again.

27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  James 1:27

With thank you for all your support and love. I will continue to post in the future as things change. This is not the end.