..Picking up the Pieces..

Picking up the pieces.. That's where we are.

Our adoption story shattered when we received the news of a failed adoption. What we thought it would look like was now in a million pieces. It hurt. It's hard. BUT when you put broken pieces together, it makes a beautiful Mosaic: an art piece. So we are picking up the pieces and hopeful in the beautiful picture it will make. Our adoption story continues. And someday we will see that Mosaic. The beautiful broken pieces arranged in a way that is breath-taking, more beautiful than we could have dreamed.

Many people have asked, "how are you doing?" I must be honest- very well. Very hopeful. My Spirit is full of Joy. How can that be? How can I be grieving and experiencing Joy at the same time. I can't quite explain it. But this is what I know:

Galatians 6:2 (NIV)- Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
So many people have been praying for us, encouraging us- simply put- carrying our burdens. So many people have grieved for us and with us. It's actually a very beautiful picture of the body of Christ. I didn't walk this journey alone. Others came along side me, like you. You held some of my grief so I didn't have to. Isn't that what life is about? I am so blessed by this situation.

The other thing I know:

John 15:5 .. apart from Christ you can do nothing.    
It is by faith that I walk. I know me. I know that if it was about my way- I would crawl into a hole and stay there. I would be overcome with hurt and depression. I would be angry. I would cry out that this is not fair. I would be focused on self pity. BUT I am not just Kim anymore. I have a living God that wants to be with me. Emmanuel- God with us. It is through Him that I can move forward. That I can pray for that mother and pray for her well being and her love for those twins. Through Him, I can be at peace and not have to ask "why".  That I can accept the fact that we were faithful in going down that journey and that the journey has not ended. Through Him, I can have Joy in the midst of grief. Without Him, I would be nothing.

So what's next: we lift up our foot and take a step. Continue to walk in faith. Saying "Lord, I will go where you want me to go." It's not about me. I don't live in Kim's story and God is a character. Rather it is about God's story and I get to be apart of that!! It's about a Holy and Perfect God who loves me unconditionally, despite my ugliness, my sin, my disobedience.

Grace. Mercy. Love. God's story.

We have touched base with agencies and will start over again. Waiting for situations to arise. Submitting our profile. Waiting to be chosen. Waiting..

This journey has taught me so much about the struggles of the birthmom. And even though I may face waiting and pain and loss- emotionally, physically, and financially- it is worth it. God has a heart for adoption. He calls us His children. He adopted us. And it cost him a huge sacrifice. With Him, I can do the same.

Micah 6:8 (NLT) to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.